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Bodie's
Camping Tips Some
learned the hard way, others passed along to me by friends. Check back
here periodically, as I'm sure I'll remember more tips. The
Drive Keep your
rearview mirror angled such that you can see more of the right side of the
road, not centered. This allows you to check the onramps for cops
without too much neck strain. Pack gear in your
vehicle securely, tie things down and wedge big items in place.
Having your ice chest join you in the front seat when you're partway down
a steep, rutted, dangerous hill is not a good thing. Let
faster traffic pass you. Why not take 10 extra seconds to use a
turnout and let that Type-A aggressive driver go by? Rumor
has it that cops don't use aircraft at night or in stormy weather.
Radar may not work in the fog. Therefore, the best time to speed is
on foggy or stormy nights. (That was a joke.) Traffic fines are
doubled in California if you are towing a trailer or in a construction
zone. Don't wave, smile, or otherwise acknowledge
police whom are parked along the road; eye contact is an invitation to be
pulled over. Nevada cops like to use their guns in
high-speed pursuits. Get way off the road if you see them coming! Driving
somewhere you shouldn't be at night? Find the fuse for your brake lights
and pull it; it doesn't make any sense to drive without your
headlights if your brakes are advertising your presence. The
key to 4x4 travel is slow and steady. Resist the urge to floor it
through the difficult areas as this is rougher on your vehicle and the
road, and all that bouncing may actually reduce your traction, spill your
beer, etc. In
deep sand, air down to about 15 psi, maybe even less. You can
probably make it through at higher pressures, but it strains your
transmission and identifies you as an idiot to anyone nearby. Carry a
tire gauge which accurately shows lower pressures. Don't
trust Cal-Trans Road Information; road conditions change much more
frequently then the Cal Trans updates. Sometimes a road is announced
as closed, but locals and even other traffic is still able to pass
through. Carry
detailed maps of your entire route. Plans change, so you want to be
flexible. Plus, they can help you bypass road closures due to
storms, fires, hazardous material spills, etc. Don't
stop near my car if you see it parked on the side of the road. Don't
look inside it. Don't walk through my camp without announcing your
presence. I value my privacy. Sometimes I go to the hills to
get away from people. Resist the herd instinct. Setting
up Camp You've
got millions of acres to camp within; don't camp right next to me.
I'll send my dogs through your camp, blast my stereo, parade my pale hairy
nekkid ass around, and maybe even do
some target shooting. And you'll really hate my million candlepower
spotlight! Determine
where the sun will rise in the morning, so you can sleep late in shade or
get awoken early by its rays. If
you're camping solo and concerned about whackos, set up more than one
chair in your campsite. Camp
near the hot spring at your own risk. Even though it is empty now,
located 50 miles from the nearest paved road, a party may show up
later.... Walking Create
a small survival kit and keep it with you at all times. If it's too
big, you won't want to carry it. Consider including: superglue
- besides fixing things, can be used to hold together serious cuts fishing
line - twine/cordage is a basic survival item, multiple uses fishing
hooks lighter
- fire is life, and can be used to summon help (but don't burn down the
forest!) candle
- firestarter razor
- medical and other uses pain
killer lip
balm - can also be used as sun screen space
blanket - I used to be skeptical of tin-foil blankets, but someone I trust
recently raved about one saving his trip, plus rumor has it they can be
used to avoid FLIR. sticky
medical tape/wrap - its proper name eludes me, but it's like a sticky ace-bandage
that compresses to a really small size Take
frequent looks around you. You don't need a compass if you keep
track of the way you've come. Don't be so dependent on your
map/compass/GPS that you forget to actually look at the landmarks. The
mountaineers' "rest step" is a cool thing; learn it. Even
though I was able to walk up Mt. Whitney in half a day, I paid for it with
memory loss. Take it easy, give your body a break.
Drink before you're thirsty. Your body is the best canteen. If
running out of water is an issue, don't urinate, you need to keep all the
moisture you can. If actually dying of thirst, don't eat, as
digestion consumes more fluids. You can go maybe 3 days without
water, assuming no activity. You can live much longer without food. Alcohol
cools your body temperature while giving you a quick burst of instant
calories and energy. Fill your bottles with beer instead of
water. (That was another joke, it also dehydrates you and makes you
do stupid things.) Miscellaneous Headlamps
aren't just for cavers. They're invaluable for hands-free camp
chores. Bring
multiple maps of the same area, at different scales. Don't throw
away old maps, as they sometimes show routes and features which for one
reason or another are omitted from newer maps. Just
because it's in print doesn't mean it's true. This applies to maps
as well. Superglue
can be used to close wounds if you're not into the Rambo, stitch-yourself
thang. Blood is flowing out, so it will not be absorbed into
your bloodstream. I think there's actually a similar product for
sale over the counter, but it may still be tied up in the Federal Drug
Administration approval process. Put it in your survival kit anyway,
as it has multiple uses. Duct tape can be used as
a temporary bandage or wart remover. Keep a small patch on top of
the wart for about 5-7 days, causing a toxic reaction to occur which kills
the tissue underneath. Bacon grease or a gas and oil mixture can
help you get a fire started with wet wood during a rainstorm; experiment
with ratio to taste. A fire made out of car-sized pieces of
driftwood, on an island in the middle of the Sacramento River, can
evaporate rain in the immediate vicinity before it hits the ground. That
really was the Aurora Borealis, not a flashback. We just passed the
active phase of the 11-year cycle of solar activity. Drink
before you feel thirsty. Gear
List I
have so much gear that I use a list for every big trip, to make sure I
never again forget something like my boots. I start with the
list below, then remove items as necessary. My general emphasis is
on items which can be put to a variety of uses, but I see no reason to
"rough it" or otherwise be uncomfortable when camping.
Note that I also keep a variety of tools, warm clothes, and other gear in
my truck at all times.
Bedroom
tent
tent tarp
double sleeping bag
sleeping bag insert
pads
booties
pillows
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Electronics
GPS
radios
battery charger
batteries
head lamp
mag lights
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Dogs
dry food
canned food
leashes
rope
old towels
toys
sleeping pad
doggy pack
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Kitchen
large ice chest
extra ice chest (for ice only)
stove
fire starter
fuel can
pot/pan set
coffee pot
thermos
large mug (doubles as a bowl)
coffee cups
fry pan
paper plates
trash bags
fanny pack water bottle
gallon water jug
small barbeque
paper towels
Kitchen Bag:
candle lantern
cheese slicer
big spoon
can opener
spatula
lighter
scrub pad
small bottle of soap
salt & pepper
other spices
measuring cup
aluminum foil
silverware sets
filet knife
string
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Clothes
jeans
sweats
rain/ski pants
hiking pants
shorts
tevas
boots
tennis shoes
t-shirts
long-sleeved shirts
thermal shirt
thermal pants
parka
windbreaker
heavy sweater
wool socks
cotton socks
underwear
ball cap
straw hat
earflap hat
neck gaiter
ski mask
mitts and mitt covers
fingerless gloves
swim towel
small towel
dirty clothes bag
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Miscellaneous
books
floating thermometer
chair
day pack
red internal frame
external frame
fanny pack
fire permit
first aid kit
toilet paper
maps
phone list
playing cards
b
snowshoes
sun block
sun glasses
truck tarp
water purifier
dop kit
hand warmers
lighters
magnet
nightsky charts
binoculars
camera
film
tripod
inflatable boats
fishing poles
tackle
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Canoe
life vests
gloves
dry bag
paddles
farmer johns
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Motorcycle
helmets
gloves
pads/shin guards
oil
gas
tools
boots
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Things to do the night before:
get ice
get extra ice
shop for food
get gas
get white gas
check weather
check roads
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Additional
Tips (authors unknown) If you are a sitcom character and your camping trip is going
badly, do not say, "Look on the bright side: At least the weather's nice."
Though not widely reported, America's raccoons and opossums are pitted
against each other in a fierce turf war. Avoid getting caught in the
crossfire.
Lake and river water may be unsafe to drink. Steam all water and lick the
condensation off a sheet of canvas.
Under no circumstances should you let your girlfriend go camping with that
guy from her pottery class. Trust me on this one.
Waking up feeling groggy with a sore anus is perfectly normal on camping
excursions. It has to do with the fresh air, so keep quiet and don't tell
anyone about it.
For a fun trip through the fertile fields of the imagination, camp out in
front of the TV all day.
Remember: Snakes are freaky-looking creatures that will bug you out if you
chance across them. Why? Get this: The little fuckers don't have any legs
at all.
No matter what people tell you, do not take a long hike off a short pier.
Drowning may result.
Most of us are well-acquainted with the popular expression, "Go fuck a
moose," but few have actually done so. Until you've experienced this
majestic outdoor activity firsthand, you have not truly lived.
Packing women's makeup and a feather boa will enable you to camp in a very
"campy" manner, indeed.
When hiking in grizzly country, invite companions whom you can outrun.
Rub bacon grease on their backpacks each morning. When facing an enraged
grizzly bear, be sure to wear comfortable, waterproof shoes and thick
socks.
A good rule of thumb regarding campground etiquette is that if a trailer
is a-rocking, it is probably best not to come a-knocking.
Our national parks are home to many magnificent forms of indigenous
American wildlife. Be sure to carry a rifle with plenty of stopping power.
To hike, put one foot in front of the other, propelling yourself forward
at a steady, workmanlike pace. After repeating this action thousands of
times, you will theoretically begin to experience "fun."
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